What Matters Most
by LoveforPenandDerek
Summary: Emily is willing to suffer for her mistakes with Doyle but she can't bear the idea of him going after Reid, or the rest of the BAU team. Is she too late to protect them?
1. Chapter 1

**Note-** This fic starts at the end of Coda- season six, episode sixteen. A few lines of dialogue belong to the criminal minds writers, as do the characters, settings, etc used. The first line is changed slightly from what was said during the episode.

**What Matters Most**

**Reid and Prentiss**

**Chapter One**

**February 2011**

"You took what matters most to me,"Ian Doyle said, his voice calm yet with an undertone of sinisterness. "So I'm going to take what matters most to you."

Emily Prentiss was not the type to usually feel terrified- no matter how desperate and dangerous a situation she found herself in- yet from the moment she had heard this man had escaped prison she had been just that. Terrified and off her game. Unsteady. Knowing, deep inside, that she wouldn't survive this...him.

But only right now did her mind completely freeze. The ability to plan her next move fizzled away under the weight of what she knew his next words would be. There was no way in the world that Ian Doyle should know the secret feelings in her heart but she could tell by his tone, the look in his eyes, the smirk on his lips, that he did.

He went on, drawing the words out, relishing her misery. "Your dear Dr. Reid."

Emily's cool veneer cracked, eyes flaring with rage as they met his. Her hand slammed down onto the table. "You touch him and I will end you! Don't you dare go near him."

The corner of his lip curved up. A pleased gleam filled his eyes. "Too late."

Emily pulled out her phone, set it on the table and, with one hand managed to dial Reid, while the other hand was holding a gun underneath the table, aimed right at Doyle's groin. She itched to pull the trigger but she knew she'd be signing her own death warrant if she did, and maybe Reid's too.

That thought was more than she could bear. For so long she had gone without anyone to truly need...truly want...truly let in under her skin. She had survived mainly alone, with the occasional lover here and there to break up the monotony but no real love until she fell for him. Emily wanted to make his life better for having known her. Not cost him his life. Not be the worst thing to ever happen to him.

Emily listened as Reid's phone kicked to voice mail. "Did you know that voice mail was first established in 19-" his voice spoke out of the speaker of her phone before she ended the call.

Emily hissed at Ian Doyle. "If you want to live to see another sunrise I suggest you return him to me unharmed. I'll give you an hour and then I'm coming for you and you better pray to God, or whoever soulless monsters like you pray to, that I don't catch up to you again."

Ian Doyle stood up, a bigger smile spreading on his face. "Funny, I was informed that the United States government never negotiates with terrorists but then again...you aren't the typical agent, are you? No matter, I'm not in the mood to make deals. You owe me. And I already decided what I want to take as my payment. I hope you enjoyed your time with him as much as I enjoyed my time with you because your affair is just as dead as ours."

"This is between you and me. He has nothing to do with this. Let him go and come after me. I'm who you want to make pay."

"You are paying. I can see how distressed you are. The tears you cry will begin to even our score. Don't forget my face, Lauren, because the day you do...is the day you will cry again. I will come back and take and take and take from you till your life is just as empty and stripped of comforts as mine. I remembered your face every day I was imprisoned. You'll remember mine every day till you, mercifully, take your last breath. Only then will you be able to rest knowing you're outside of my reach."

"One hour," she hissed at him. "One hour to release him or else, I promise you, what I did to you seven years ago will seem like a gift compared to what I do to you tonight."

"I look forward to witnessing your feeble attempts at revenge. You do amuse me so. For now, enjoy your coffee and this lovely night. Spend it remembering the man you love, as I remember the love I lost."

He walked off into the night, whistling, as she sat there shivering in the cool night air. Emily shoved her gun in her ankle hostler, grabbed her phone and called Reid again.

"Did you know voice mail was first established in 19-" his voice repeated. She ended the call, quickly got up, looked all around and then took off running for a cab. Slipping inside the vehicle, she told them to take her to Reid's address.

On the way there she made a call to 911, reporting a burglary in progress there. By the time she arrived there were two police cars with flashing lights outside. She rushed toward the building and flashed her credentials at the first cop she saw.

"What's going on?"

"There was a shooting," the officer told her.

"Was anyone injured?" Her body shivered, eyes wide with worry and pain, as they met his.

"Yeah, we got one D.O.A."

She sucked in a shaky breath, her eyes boring into the man, the world going sideways around her. She suddenly couldn't hear what he was saying anymore. His mouth moved but the words he said no longer made sense to her.

Emily quickly rushed into the building and ran up the stairs. The sound of her feet on the floor echoed loud in her ears. The hallway was filled with neighbors, brought out of their apartments by the commotion.

She slowed down and stumbled into his apartment. Her eyes filled with disbelief as she took in the fact that the apartment was riddled with bullet holes.

She did this. She had caused this. She should have warned him.

The cops standing there came into view but she couldn't really comprehend what they were saying to her. She slowly pivoted and looked toward the kitchen. And that's when she saw the dead body laying on the floor. Her knees weakened and the ground started to fly up at her, as she nearly fainted away.

She had done this. Caused this. Loving him caused all this. How could she have let this happen to him?

_(If I only could_

_make a deal with God_

_and get him to swap our places._

_-x-x_

_Be running up that road,_

_be running up that hill_

_with no problem._

_-x-x_

_If I only could...) _(Placebo cover of a Kate Bush song)

XXXXXX

_**Ten days before**_

"Reid?" Emily asked, surprised to see him getting on the train that Sunday

"Oh, hey!" A bright smile curved his lips, lighting up his boyish good looks. He settled into a seat next to her. "Are you heading home?"

"Yeah. I was just getting in some shopping." She motioned toward her bags at her feet. "Returning Christmas presents from my mother, if you can believe it. I never had the time before now."

"I can believe it. We've been slammed at work lately. What did she get you that was so bad, if you don't mind me asking?"

"She's my mother. I never keep her gifts. They are all little jabs at me. Like the electric blanket she gave me three years ago. Because I have no man to keep me warm at night."

"You think she was trying to say that? Maybe she just worried your heat wasn't very good."

"This is my mother we are talking about. Every gift has a hidden meaning behind it. This year she gave me a set of china. That's her way of saying she gave up on me ever getting married. Marriage is big for her. She's been pushing me to get married since the day I graduated college. I announced that I'm a lesbian one year in the middle of her birthday party just to horrify her but she saw right through me."

Reid raised both eyebrows at her.

Emily chuckled, somewhat nervously. "I know that my relationship with her is not the healthiest in the world."

"Mine either, with my mother."

She gave him a tender look. "So where were you today?"

"I took Henry to the children's museum."

"Aw." Then she asked "On the train?"

"He likes trains."

"You're a great godfather."

"I try."

"Have you given it more thought? Having kids. Settling down."

"No, not really. Sometimes I think I might like to but I would need a partner to settle down and dating is not something that comes easy for me."

"Dating sucks. First dates suck the most. I wish I could skip that whole _Who are you? What do you do? What is your major malfunction that you are hiding from me that will come out in three months and make me run for the hills_? I just want to be with someone who gets me, who I get."

"Yeah," he agreed softly, his head titled to the side, inches from hers, as he stared into her eyes with real curiosity. "Where do you find someone like that?"

She smiled at him before chuckling. "How should I know? My love life is worse than yours."

"It can't be."

She laughed. "Trust me, it is."

He gave her a sad nod. They kept chatting for the rest of the ride and then she invited him to come to her place for dinner. They walked down the street, stopping at the corner store to shop, and they kept chatting as they headed down the block to her building. The soft, dreamy look on her face as she talked to him screamed to anyone that was looking how much she was taken with him...Emily rarely looked that way at any man.

She looked like a woman in love.


	2. Chapter 2

**What Matters Most**

**Reid and Prentiss**

**Chapter Two**

**February 2011**

Spencer Reid was in the middle of playing a song on his brand new keyboard when his apartment was plunged into darkness. He found it strange because there was no storm outside to blame on the power being knocked out.

Using his fingers to feel his way through the room he went to the kitchen and got out some candles, brought them back to the living room, set them on his coffee table and lit them. A second later he heard a very soft, but distinct sound coming from his bedroom: the window being slid open.

Since the power was out his alarm was disabled.

The sound of feet sliding slowly along his floor, creeping through the darkness, alerted him that he was in real trouble. His gun was in the safe, in the hall closet, fourteen steps away.

His mind calculated how long it would take to get there, get the safe open and get the gun, versus just fleeing for the door with no weapon. But what if this intruder had a partner waiting in the hall or outside the front of the building?

Who was here? What did he want? The possibilities were endlessly gruesome.

Spencer quickly extinguished the candles and darted for the closet. The only thing he hated more than bullies and the dark was fighting for his life against a bully in the dark. But if he wanted to survive tonight that is just what he would have to do.

XXXXXX

_**Twenty three minutes later**_

Emily slowly pivoted, as the room spun around her, and jerked her gaze from Reid's living room- riddled with bullet holes and filled with cops- to his kitchen area where she saw a sheet covering a dead body, only brown hair sticking out.

The only thing that kept her from crumbling to the ground was shooting her hand out to grab a back of a chair, gripping it with all her might as her knees weakened and the ground started to rush up at her. All around her she couldn't hear what anyone was saying. She could just see them and their lips moving.

_Reid is dead,_ went through her mind over and over. _I let Doyle kill Reid. He's gone. I loved him and he's gone. He never even knew how much I cared for him...He was so young, so good, so kind...he deserved better. Better than me and my useless friendship, worthless love. I killed Reid_.

A cop came over to her, touched her arm and asked "Ma'am, are you all right? You can't be here. It's a crime scene."

She looked at him with a confused look on her face, as if she couldn't comprehend this moment. Her voice cracking she whispered "I did everything wrong."

A cop across the room called out "Get her out of here."

The cop near Emily took her arm. "You need to come with me, ma'am." Then his attention was diverted and he looked over her shoulder.

She turned her head and followed his gaze. Her heart thudded to a near stop at what she saw. Reid was coming out of the bedroom, a bandage wrapped around his arm. Paramedics trailed behind him.

Emily threw herself against him and broke down crying, choking out hoarsely, "Reid. Reid. Reid."

"I'm okay," he told her, kindly, sounding more worried about her than the scene around them.

She looked up and into his eyes. He said "Really, I'm fine. Its just a graze. What are you doing here? Did you hear this on a police scanner?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For not being here when you needed me."

"You couldn't have known, that's okay." He glanced over at the dead body. "I always have the craziest fans. This doesn't feel random. Too organized and controlled for a botched robbery." Some people admired the members of the BAU for their skills and sometimes that went to a dangerous place. It had happened several times before and Reid was theorizing that was the cause of the bloodshed in his home tonight.

She moved back, ran her hands through her hair, looked at the dead body again and then said "I need some air. I can't breathe...I can't breathe...I got to get out of here." She rushed back out of the apartment, thudded down the stairs, flew through the doors to outside, where the police cruisers lights were flashing through the night sky.

Emily ended up resting with her palms down on a car, panting hard, looking all around for Doyle or any of the men working for him. They were somewhere around here. She knew it.

And, so help her God, if she saw any of those bastards they were as good as dead. She was done running scared from this. If Doyle wanted to make this personal then he had succeeded by coming after Reid. It was as personal as it could get now.

XXXXXXXXXXX

She was sitting on the steps of the apartment, cops still around, twelve minutes later when Derek Morgan squealed to a stop in front of the building, jumped out of his still running SUV, looked around frantically and then jogged over to her.

Slowly Emily stood, looking shell shocked still.

"Prentiss, what the hell happened? Reid said someone broke in his place and he got shot?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

Derek raked his hand over his head and looked all around. "This is crazy. Do the cops think it was a robbery? The guy expected the place to be empty? Reid is out of town a lot."

She swallowed hard. Her voice sounded strained when she answered "That's true."

Derek raised an eyebrow at her and asked "What aren't you saying? Is he more hurt than he let on?" Derek started toward the door of the building, not waiting for an answer. "Are you coming or what?" He gave her another odd look, shook his head at her strangeness, and then rushed into the building.

Emily stood there, the world spinning off its axis around her, in the middle of a chaotic scene, choking on the truth, her sins, and the past that she couldn't escape.

_(Just when you think you're forgiven._

_There's no material left for confession._

_-x-x_

_You'll be standing there- sorry, unworthy._

_Look closer: guilty and bloody and_

_ohhhhhh_) (Blood by Kacy Crowley)

XXXXXX

Note- _Reid saying he has crazy fans comes from a canon episode where Reid mentioned that his fans are always the odd ones. These are fans of his profiling skills_.


	3. Chapter 3

**What Matters Most**

**Reid and Prentiss**

**Chapter Three**

**February 2011**

Emily slowly made her way back up the stairs at Reid's apartment. The hallway was still crowded with neighbors who were concerned because there had been a shooting in the building.

Inside the apartment she saw Derek on his cell phone and heard him say "I know, baby girl," letting out a long, stressed sigh.

Reid was near Derek and also a cop was there. Reid and the cop were talking about how the dead man had no identification on him.

The cop said "We'll get him printed and let you know if we get a hit."

Just as Derek hung up he said "Garcia is gonna meet us at work. We need to get on this right away. Make sure this guy was working alone."

Looking at the bandage on Reid's arm, Emily said "You need to get to the hospital."

"Its just a graze. I'm fine."

Derek asked "Are you sure?"

Reid said "I've had worse cuts from shaving."

"Lets get going then," Derek said, as he headed for the door.

Emily bent and picked up the sheet off the dead man, taking a long look at his face.

Reid said "I'm going to get an unlisted phone number so I'm harder to track down in the future. Lesson learned."

She gave him a long look before walking out of the apartment, him trailing behind her. They got in Derek's SUV and started to head to work. Emily felt as if she was in a dream as they drove there. The sights out the window seemed to pass in a surreal haze.

She kept staring at Reid...amazed he was still alive, knowing that it could have went the other way, all because someone wanted to make her hurt.

Doyle had figured out her weak spot, her Achilles heel, the way to bring her down to her knees. Reid may not realize how deeply Emily cared for him but to others it was blatantly clear. In her own head and heart there was no longer a doubt, and hadn't been one for a long while.

He may never return her feelings but she had to protect him from her love anyway. She had to make her love be something good that happened to him. Not the thing that killed him.

Derek and Reid were still talking about possible profiles that might fit the man who had broken in when Emily interrupted. "He was there because of me."

Derek looked in the rearview. "What's that, Prentiss?"

She cleared her throat. "I said...that guy who came to kill Reid was there because of me, my past. Its catching up to me."

Reid had turned to look at Emily. "Your past?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have warned you...warned you all."

Derek said "So fill us in now. Why do you think this has anything to do with you?"

"When that guy was breaking into Reid's apartment I was meeting with a man who has a vendetta against me. I help to put him in prison seven years ago. He broke out recently and he wants revenge on me. He told me he sent someone after Reid."

"You met with him? What?" Reid asked, shock and worry in his tone.

"And he just let you go?" Derek asked, stunned at hearing this crazy tale. "Who is this guy?"

Emily stared out the window, getting lost in memories.

"Prentiss," Derek snapped "you gonna answer me or what?"

"Doyle...his name is Ian Doyle...and he won't stop this until he's behind bars again or dead. Reid wasn't supposed to survive tonight. He wants to take away anyone I care about. You're all in danger."

Shaking his head at hearing this, Derek grabbed his phone and called Garcia again, asking where she was. Meanwhile Reid stared at Emily, as she stared back, her eyes full of apologies. He reached out and gently squeezed her hand, offering comfort that she didn't feel she deserved.

She knew she had waited too long to tell the team what was going on. She had risked all their lives. Only by the grace of God, and because of his training, was Reid still alive right now. Not because she did the right thing and trusted in her team.

She squeezed his hand back, wondering if this is as close as they would ever be to becoming lovers. If this touch was all she'd ever know of his gentle love being hers.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Hours later, after the team had gotten together-including JJ and Will on speaker phone- and made a strategy to try and keep them all safe as they worked this case, they separated to try to all get some sleep.

Rossi took Seaver with him. Morgan and Garcia went together. Hotch headed to see Jessica and inform her about this situation, so they could keep Jack home from school until they were sure he was in no danger. All of them planned to go to high rise hotels and check in under assumed names.

Reid had volunteered to pair up with Prentiss. She knew that the best way to keep him safe was to keep him always in her sights so she simply nodded when he mentioned it. She felt drained, yet she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep anytime soon. She hadn't gotten much sleep since she learned Doyle had escaped prison.

At this rate, she'd sleep next when she was dead. Because it was coming to that, she could feel it. Either her or Doyle. One of them would not survive much longer.

As her and Reid made their way to the hotel, she didn't say a word. At the front desk Reid checked them in under the names "Mr and Mrs. Holmes," inspired by Sherlock Holmes.

When they were in the elevator he said "Married couples attract less notice and speculation. They're typical and unworthy of a second glance."

"We don't have any rings so I don't know if that clerk really bought it."

"I doubt she noticed."

"You're probably right," she said, listlessly, as she trailed him out of the elevator, heading to their room. Before they slipped inside she took one long last look down the hall. Once inside she locked the deadbolt and then pushed the dresser against the door.

As soon as she turned around she saw Reid staring at her, worriedly.

She looked at the bandage on his arm. "We should have stopped and got you some aspirins at least for the pain. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"If I needed pain relievers I would have said something. I'm fine. Are you?"

"I'm great," she lied, her tone weary. "Just tired and dirty. I think I'll take a shower. Is that okay? Or did you need the bathroom first?"

"Go ahead. Its all yours."

"Thanks." She grabbed her go bag and headed toward the bathroom.

"Emily..."

She looked at him again.

He said "I don't blame you for what happened tonight so I hope you can stop blaming yourself. You have nothing to feel guilty over."

"Kinda hard. It never would have happened if we weren't friends."

"If this is the price of being your friend then I would pay it over and over again."

Titling her head to the side she stared at him, remembering how much she loved him, as her heart welled with emotion. "You shouldn't have to pay for knowing me. I got too close to Doyle when I worked that case...that's why he feels so betrayed. And now people are dying because of my screw up. I just don't want you to be one of those people, Reid."

"I won't be. We're going to work this like any other case and we'll solve it like we solve the majority of them."

"This isn't any other case!" she yelled and then calmed down. "I'm sorry." Her fingers raked through her hair and she looked away, muttering, "Damn it. Why can't Doyle try to kill me if he wants revenge? He should come after me! Not toy with me this way. Not go after_ you._"

"I know you're scared and you're pissed off but this is just a case, like the others. Think of it that way or else you won't be able to be effective. Don't let it be this personal."

"Oh, its personal. Its as personal as it gets. No one gets to come after my family and get away with it." With that said she stormed into the bathroom, cranked on the shower, sunk onto the tub and put her head in her hands.

But no tears came this time. A numb feeling closed around her as she remembered the body laying on the floor at Reid's apartment. The body she had believed was him.

Falling to her knees she flipped open the lid of the toilet and heaved into it. Today had put things in very clear perspective for her- her crush didn't matter, her own life hardly mattered, but his life mattered, her team's lives mattered. She would make sure they survived this, weather she did or not.

If revenge was coming it should come only to her. Never to the ones she loved. She would fight till her last breath to protect all of them...most of all, the man she was crazy about...Spencer Reid, a genius who had her heart but didn't even know it.

And would probably never know it now that her life had taken this turn for the worse. Now that time was so short. She had wasted so much time until it was finally almost all ran out.

Almost. But not quite yet.


	4. Chapter 4

**Note- **_Thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing this._

**Chapter Four**

**February 2011**

Reid woke up the next morning to find Emily sitting in a chair with her gun on the table next to her, just staring out the window. He watched her for a moment. She looked fuzzy, because he didn't have his contacts in.

His heart constricted at how stiff and on gaurd she appeared.

He wondered if she had gotten any sleep at all. She had been laying in the other bed in the room when he drifted off to sleep but he knew she had been still awake. She hadn't wanted to talk so he had given up on trying to encourage her to and had finally rolled over and fallen into a very restless sleep- filled with memories of those dark minutes in his apartment when a gunman with an automatic weapon sprayed his living room wall with bullets.

It had been a living hell but he would go through it a hundred times if it meant Emily didn't have to be in that situation. He'd feel the same about anyone on his team, about JJ and Will, his mother. But right now none of them occupied his thoughts like Emily did.

He could practically feel her pain pouring out of her pores from across the room. She was blaming herself for Ian Doyle coming after her when it wasn't her fault at all. He had never seen Emily acting this way before- distracted, moody, angry one moment, defeated the next. It was out of character and that worried him. If she was this erratic it had to mean that she was terrified for herself and for all of them.

But Reid wasn't. They had gone up against worse that Ian Doyle, no matter how bad Emily believed him to be, and their team had always taken the unsub down in the end. This time would be no different. Soon Emily would be relieved of this stress and strain on her.

He looked forward to that because she was too good of a person to feel so wrecked inside over a damn psycho unsub.

Swinging his legs off the bed, toward the side away from Emily, he said "Its early, isn't it?"

"A little after five."

"You still have time to get some more sleep, if you want. I'm up now."

"I'm fine."

He turned and looked at her. She looked at him and repeated "I'm fine."

"If you don't sleep, you can't think clearly and that makes you a liability to the team."

She rolled her eyes. "I can get by on three hours sleep. I do it all the time."

"The human body needs at least six hours sleep per every twenty four hour cycle in order to not diminish the ability to process complex thoughts and to not lessen response time of your reflexes. You know the reflexes that you use to grab that gun, aim and fire."

"I said I'm fine," she ground out.

Tenderly he asked "For me?"

She groaned but weakened. "I'll lay down while you shower, okay? Good enough?"

"Thank you, Emily." Reid headed to the bathroom, grabbing his go bag on the way, glad that she had given in to his pleas. When he came back out he found her asleep. Staring at her for a moment he sighed.

More than anything, he wanted this to be over so she could have her life back. He hated to see her this way. Emily was a strong woman, tough as the day is long and brave as ten men, but this was sapping her strength bit by bit. She had been acting strange for days and they all wondered why.

He wished she had trusted them enough to tell them before her back was against the wall. But they knew now. He knew now. And he would help his friend to get through this.

Reid walked over to the coffee maker in the room and started a pot, as he prepared to stand gaurd over Emily so she could get the sleep she so desperately needed.

XXXXXXXXX

The team gathered in the BAU that afternoon. Derek came walking in with a box. Penelope smiled and said "Thank you, my favorite hunk of muscles."

He sat the box on the tables. Penelope said "Untraceable pre-paid phones for all of us. Stock up. Use these phones to call our official FBI issued phones, keep the calls under two minutes and ditch them immediately after each call. We don't want this baddie to get a bead on us by using the talents of hacker who works for the dark side."

Rossi said "Doyle still has a network of contacts he can lean on, according to the contact I spoke to at Interpol, so we can assume he can hire out whatever kind of talent he needs."

Emily said "He had money in off shore accounts so he's well funded and incredibly ruthless, too. He's good at what he does."

Hotch said "Then we'll just have to be better."

Seaver asked "So where do we start in looking for him?"

Emily said "He wants me. I could lure him out."

Penelope gasped. Reid shook his head, no. Derek cried "Forget that idea!"

Emily said "Either we can wait for him to leave a string of bodies all over this city or else we can make him play this our way."

Rossi said "He'll see that coming. You suddenly get lax in your security and he'll figure out its an ambush, lay low, and we might not get him for months or years even."

Emily said "He won't go to ground. He can't. This means too much to him. He is itching for the chance to watch me suffer. I was the agent who had the closest contact with him. My betrayal was personal. Not only does he want dead anyone who got him locked up but he wants to make me watch the people I care about most die one by one until I'm a shell of who I am now, and I will be, if that happens. That being said, if I'm going out, I want to do it my way. I can get him to meet up with me again. He'll respond if I make myself available enough. He'll meet with me and we can finish this then."

Hotch said "No," in a firm tone.

Prentiss snapped "I can do this without all of you!"

The room was thick with tension as boss and subordinate glared at each other, while the rest of them sat there in misery, feeling helpless, which was not an easy thing for any of them.

Reid cleared his throat. They all looked at him. He looked at Emily. "I'm the one who Doyle went after last night. It's me who he thinks it will hurt you to see die-"

"It will hurt me if its any of you. Of course it will," Emily rushed to say.

Reid said "This is about Doyle's perception. What we know _for sure _is Doyle believes it will hurt you if he kills me. So if you're good bait then so am I. If you're going to be out there, trying to lure Doyle out, then I'm going to be right next to you the whole time."


	5. Chapter 5

**What Matters Most**

**Reid and Prentiss**

**Chapter Five**

**February 2011**

The team was gathered in the BAU, talking about a strategy to try and find Ian Doyle. Emily had just suggested using herself as bait to draw him out.

Reid said "What we know for sure is Doyle believes it will hurt you if he kills me. So if you're good bait then so am I. If you going to be out there, trying to lure Doyle out, then I'm going to be right next to you the whole time."

"No," Emily hissed through clenched teeth.

"Why not?" Reid asked "Two agents are certainly better than one."

"No, absolutely not," Emily said, looking at Derek for back up. "Doyle wants me the most. There is no reason to put any of the rest of you at risk more than you already are. I just want to finish this-"

Derek said "Then get out of your own way and let us help you do that."

Growing more upset and angry Emily said "I never wanted any of you involved in this in the first place. Look at what its done to all your lives after one day. None of us can keep living like this- in hotels, not taking cases, Jack not going to school, Henry not going to daycare, looking over our shoulders. The longer it goes on the better chance that one of us will slip up and that will be it. We'll see each other next at a funeral. This isn't the typical case. We can't work when every time we walk down the street we're at risk of being gunned down. We have to find a way to make Doyle come to us."

She was practically breathless when she finished her rant. Her hands shook slightly. She flattened them on the table to keep them steady.

"We can do that without using you as bait." Hotch said "Tell us about your time with Doyle."

"That's classified," Emily said, evasively.

Derek said "Come on, Prentiss, you gotta let us in. Trust us. We're here to help you."

Rossi said "Face it. Doyle knows we're a family. He knows it will hurt you more for him to kill one of us than to kill you. We are in this already, whether you like it or not. Let us know what we need to know to survive this or else we truly will all meet at a funeral."

Emily swallowed hard. Her eyes darted around to look at all their faces.

Penelope said "EP, please, sweetie, trust that if you use this team and all our brilliance combined that this baddie will be no match for us. Trust us to do what we do. We all know the risks and I think I speak for all of us when I say that we wouldn't have it any other way then to have your back right now. We love you. Let us help."

After a long moment Emily spoke "I made a mistake seven years ago, more than one actually, but I thought I got away with it. I didn't. Doyle is so furious with me because...we were involved."

Shame flooded her as she confessed this to the people closest to her. She broke all the rules she had been taught. She had gone too far for the case.

She was sent into his estate to work as a translator for him. All she was supposed to do was spy on him, help to get information so the team could move in and arrest him. It was dangerous but she was eager to make a good reputation for herself back then, eager to prove to herself she had what it took to be a field agent.

But Doyle took one look at her and he wanted her. She resisted for a few months but finally gave in. It had been stupid. A horrible mistake.

One that made everything Doyle felt for her now that much more intense, and his jealousy over Reid that much more worse.

Looking at Reid then she said "The reason Doyle went after you is he thinks you and I are seeing each other."

Everyone raised an eyebrow at hearing that.

Emily looked at the team. "He's wrong but that's what he thinks. He told me as much when I met with him. I broke his heart...now he won't be satisfied with just my death...he wants to break my heart too. I won't give him what he wants. I won't let him come after any of you anymore. This is my problem to handle my way."

Hotch said "This is an official BAU case now. That means its my call how we handle this and I'm not willing to put you out there as bait." Hotch stood up and went on "We need to do what we do best and build a profile. And, Prentiss, you need to stop stonewalling us. Morgan, take her to your office and interview her. I want a written account of every event that has led to today on my desk within the hour."

Derek gave Emily a look that said she wasn't getting out of this. He stood up and motioned for her to walk in front of him.

Once they left Hotch told the team, his voice wavering on pissed off, "I want to know everything there is to know about Ian Doyle and I want it five minutes ago. Garcia, check with all the agencies and get their files on him. Start with Interpol but make sure to go international on your search also. Let me know if you hit any walls with countries not being friendly and willing to share."

"I shall do what I do best and if they turn me down I'll just do a thing." Garcia scurried off to her lair.

"Rossi, Reid, go the medical examiner's office and find out what you can about the man who shot up Reid's apartment last night. Seaver, call the police station and make sure they fax us everything they have on so far on their investigation of the shooting last night."

"Yes, sir, right away," Seaver rushed off.

Rossi said to Hotch "Prentiss would have never breathed a word if not for what went down at Reid's place last night. She would have tried to handle this alone."

Hotch let out a weary breath. "I know."

Reid asked "Why is she so scared to trust us? We're her family. We have the skills to help her and no one is more motivated than we are to protect her."

"I think she's really terrified that no matter what we do Doyle will get to one of us and if he's going to she's made it clear she wants it to be her."Hotch said "Its worse for her to think of her mistake costing one of us our lives than to accept that it will cost her own life. We can't let either happen."

They all nodded, agreeing, and split up to get to work.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Tsia," Emily breathed the name into her cell phone, a few hours later. "They know."

"Do you think it was smart to involve your team?"

"I was left with little choice. Doyle sent a hired gun to my teammates home last night. My friend barely escaped with his life. If I kept quiet and he went after him again or anyone else I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"I understand. Well now that they know what next? What can I do to help?"

"Come in to the BAU and get debriefed. Bring Clyde with you."

"Now?"

"As soon as possible, yes."

"We'll call you when we're on site."

"Thank you." Emily disconnected the call and walked back into the round table room. The team was gathered. "Two of my former teammates are on their way here. I'm still trying to get hold of another. Sean ran the whole operation. The last member...he died a few days ago overseas. Doyle had him murdered."

Derek shook his head at Emily. "Why didn't you mention that earlier? Come on, Prentiss. I'm getting sick of you holding out on us!"

Hotch said "He's right. What else have you held back?"

"Nothing. There's nothing else."

Derek said "Explain why this unsub thinks you and Reid have something going on. He didn't pick Reid out of thin air. What gave him the idea?"

"He's not rational. How the hell should I know why he thinks what he thinks?"

Rossi said "The only way we can make an accurate profile is to know everything you know. So is this guy delusional or did he get this idea because of something you said to him? Something he saw?" Rossi looked at Reid, who looked back blankly at him.

Emily said "I told you he has surveillance on all of us. I had Reid over for dinner last week. That's it. Doyle read more into it than really was there."

Hotch gave her a look that said he believed she was holding back on what happened that night. "Its not our business what happened that evening but-"

"You know what?" Emily snapped "You are damn right. Its not your business! Doyle saw a man near me and he got jealous. End...of...story!" She stormed out of the room and headed to the elevators to go downstairs and went for Tsia and Clyde show up.

She needed air, space, to stop having the team staring at her with questions in their eyes, pity, offers to save her. She felt like she had brought hell down on all of them and all she wanted was to know they would be safe, no matter what happened to her.

Knowing she got involved with Doyle when she shouldn't have made her feel like she was now getting what was coming to her. She had got too close to an unsub, knowing he was evil and knowing it was against everything she had vowed to give her life to honor. She got close because it was her job but she let Doyle believe her feelings were true, when she should have never played that card at all.

That mistake could prove fatal now.

If the cost was her life then that was one thing but it was horrible to have Reid dragged into this, horrible to have her feelings for him used like a weapon, horrible to have to put her team in danger this way, horrible to lay bare her secrets like she was a victim.

All she wanted was Doyle alone in a room for two minutes. If she was going to break all the rules then she should make it worth it. End this the only way it could possibly end that didn't mean her funeral- put him six feet under.

No prison could hold him. Nothing would make him stop coming after her loved ones.

Emily Prentiss had never felt blood lust before last night when Doyle threatened Reid right to her face but she felt it in that moment...she wanted blood now.


	6. Chapter 6

**What Matters Most**

**Reid and Prentiss**

**Chapter Six**

**February 2011**

Emily nervously waited in the lobby of the FBI for Tsia and Clyde to show up. She kept checking her watch. Finally she dialed her cell and Derek answered.

She said "They should have been here by now. Something's wrong."

"Give them ten more minutes."

"I have a bad feeling that Doyle got to them."

"Do you know where they were staying?"

"They rented an apartment under an assumed name."

"Lets go check it out. Meet me in the parking garage."

They both hung up and headed that way. As they drove there, the vehicle was filled with an uncomfortable silence. Finally Derek said, gently, "Hey, I know this sucks and I know you're worried sick that someone you care about is gonna get killed but have a little faith in your team. This is what we do everyday."

"Not this. This is different. Its too personal."

"You're letting Doyle get in your head. He wins when you do that. He's got you beat already just like Foyet tried to beat down Hotch. Its mental warfare. You're smarter than this. Don't let him convince you that he can't be stopped without one of us dying first. He can be. He will be. I promise you that."

After a long moment Emily said "I've never been so scared in all my life when I saw that body covered with a sheet in Reid's kitchen. That is my worse nightmare come true. Its what I feared the second I heard Doyle escaped prison. That he'd take out one of you before he took out me."

"What about turning all those thoughts around to think we'll take out him before he gets near any of us again? You should have came to us right away so we could have been prepared for this guy."

"I know I should have but I wanted to keep this away from all of you. Its my sins. My mistakes. It should be me who has to handle it."

"When are you gonna get it? You're not alone anymore. Look around. You have people backing you up and they happen to care about you enough to want to risk their lives. You might want to protect us but have you considered that not only are you hampering an investigation that could cost who knows how many people their lives but you're insulting all of us and the bond we share by acting like you don't want or need our help. Well you're getting it anyway so you need to get right with that idea and realize no one can do it all alone in this life. No one. Not even Emily Prentiss."

She stared out the window for a few blocks.

Morgan smirked and lightened up. "So did you and Reid do the nasty that night he had dinner at your place?"

Emily smirked back. "Would I do that when it wasn't even a date?"

"If you're fun, you would. Are you fun?"

"More fun than you'll ever know but it wasn't like that."

"Aw, poor Prentiss! Did he get your motor revving and leave you in idle? I gotta have a talk with that kid so the next time there is a secret, private dinner at your place he makes the most of it."

"Yeah, don't you dare. I like him the way he is, without any Derek _Hot Stuff _Morgan makeover."

"Hey! I never, and I mean never, get any complaints."

"You don't give them your real number so how could they call you to complain?" she joked, feeling a little better for a moment, before they turned the corner and saw police and ambulance outside the apartment building where Tsia and Clyde had been staying.

Emily sucked in a shaky breath as they rolled to a stop there. They jumped out and rushed through the crowd, coming upon cops standing over three bodies, covered with sheets. They flashed their credentials and explained that they thought this might be related to a case they were working on.

After they lifted the sheets Emily looked down to see her two dead teammates and another man, dressed in all black.

She said to Derek "Now do you see why I didn't want any of you involved? They were careful. They're trained agents. And look how they ended up. Its overkill too. There must be fifty spent shells around here. So how do we catch him when he's hunting us and we have to spend all our time just trying to survive?"

She stormed off. Derek followed her. He caught her shoulder. "Hey, I know you're hurting right now but don't shut us out. I would do anything for you. You know that, right? I don't plan on dying for you though, take that to the bank."

After a second she nodded, and then said "Lets work the crime scene. We have a profile to build."

XXXXXXXXX

When Emily and Derek got back to the BAU they found Reid sitting at his desk, working on the case by going over case files that came from other agencies on Doyle.

He looked up at them and his eyes filled with worry at Emily's expression. She said "They're dead. My former teammates were shot as they left the building they were hiding out in. There were multiple gun men but only one was killed at the scene. The others got away."

Reid gave her a sad look. "I'm sorry about your friends."

She nodded, taking in his sympathy. "Seeing my former team be killed one by one only makes me all that more determined to not let any members of our team get caught up in this but I know I can't catch Doyle alone."

Hearing that, Derek gave her a small smile before walking off, heading towards Hotch's office to update him.

Emily sat at her desk, letting out a small sigh.

Reid said "I ordered some dinner while you were gone: Korean bar-be-cue. Its in the fridge in the break room if you want any."

"No thank-"

"I should have said 'You need to eat. If it was the other way around you would tell me not to fight you on this so don't fight me on this'."

She stared at him for a long moment. "You are a great guy. Some woman should have grabbed you up by now."

"A few have over the years. Then they let me go again."

"Their losses." She got up, to head to the break room. "I've made a lot of mistakes in my life that I wish I could take back but I'd never make a dumb mistake like that."

With that said she left him at his desk.

Hours later they finally checked into a new hotel, different than the one from the night before, and Emily sunk into a warm bath, falling asleep there due to sheer exhaustion.

"Emily, are you okay?" Reid asked through the door after an hour and a half. "Emily?"

In her dreams she heard _"Emily, Emily," _his tone sweet and loving, as his breath washed over her ear, his hands smoothed over her stomach and then down lower, and his body pressed against hers. "_Did you know that love is a chemical reaction you can also get by eating peas?" _He nibbled her ear, his hand closed around her breast, his body ground against her. _"Emily, Emily, you're everything I want, Emily. Are you okay? Its okay, okay, okay. I'm here, Emily, Emily, Emily_."

"Emily," Reid knocked on the door another time. "Are you okay?" he asked for the second time. He banged on the door.

Emily jerked awake, completely confused, just as Reid busted down the door. They stared at each other, both in shock, eyes wide and breaths coming quickly.


	7. Chapter 7

**What Matters Most**

**Note- Thank you to everyone who sent a review for last chapter.**

**Reid and Prentiss**

**Chapter Seven**

**February 2011**

For a moment Spencer Reid stood in the small hotel bathroom in stunned silence as he looked at Emily there in the tub, eyes hazy with sleep, hair wet and slicked back. He did his best to not so much as glance away from her face.

Turning around quickly, so he faced away from her, he said "I'm sorry. You didn't answer when I called out. I was worried."

"Its okay. Don't worry about it. I fell asleep."

"I'm really sorry I busted in here on you. Please forgive me."

"Reid, honestly, its okay. Thank you for checking on me."

He mumbled "Sure," and hightailed it from the room.

Emily was left alone in the bathroom. Her knees were bent and pulled up to her chest now, to have some kind of modesty as she had sat there naked, in cool water, having a conversation with the man she was crazy about, who didn't seem to have a clue that her feelings had grown so deep over the last year. She had went from random thoughts about how he was sexy with his longer hair and stubbly cheeks, last winter, to fantasies about him, to comparing him to Mick and finding Mick lacking, to longing for Spencer whenever they were away from each other.

Finally she knew she had fallen for him without ever kissing him, dating him, or even knowing if she had a chance with him.

Inside her was this deep, abiding loneliness. For so long she had put work before her love life and then suddenly she had realized she was tired of being alone every night. She got Sergio-who was staying with her friend Brianna right now- but she wanted more than just a cat to come home to after hard cases. She wanted a man to look in her eyes and see his love, his future, his partner.

But would that man ever be Reid?

XXXXXXXXX

He sat there embarrassed for himself and feeling bad that he had invaded Emily's privacy. Every time he thought of how lovely her body was, the very quick glimpse he got when he first had walked in the bathroom, he silently cursed himself for daring to go there in his mind.

She was his friend- not some sex object- and she needed his help, not him thinking about how beautiful she looked all wet and glistening in the tub.

When she came out of the bathroom, their eyes met and held. She walked over and sat next to him.

"Please, don't worry about it, Reid," she said. "I'm glad it was you and not Morgan. Ew. I shudder to even think of that."

Because she saw Morgan as a man, and Reid as just a person. "Right. He would make a big deal about it."

"He'd never let me live it down."

"I won't mention it again. Lets just pretend it never happened. I was just concerned for you, is all."

"Thank you for that concern. You're a really good man who I'm really lucky to have in my life."

Their eyes stared into each others before he jerked his gaze away. He hated how he was focusing on the bead of water sliding from her earlobe down her throat. Making her into some kind of sexual fantasy instead of a good friend in trouble. He fought down the rising heat in his body but it was a losing battle he had no chance to win.

Feeling unworthy of lusting after her, he said "I'm surprised that Hotch let you pair up with me instead of Morgan or Rossi. I wouldn't have assumed he wouldn't think that I'd be an ideal choice."

"Hotch has full confidence in you, just like I do. Besides, if you didn't mention us pairing up then I would have."

Quickly he turned his head and looked into her eyes. "You would have?"

She smiled slightly- looking stressed, tired, sad, but also there was the slightest tenderness resting in her dark, expressive eyes. "Sure. Don't you know you're my first choice and my favorite?"

"I am?"

She rolled her eyes, confusing him because he didn't know if she had been joking or if she was trying to say: _Duh, that's obvious_.

Emily patted his arm. "And you call yourself a genius."

"I don't just call myself one. I'm certified as one according to every intelligence test known to man."

She smirked. "Way to brag."

After a moment he said "You're my favorite too," surprising himself with those words, and that sentiment. If asked before he would have said that JJ and Penelope were closer to him. Each of them meant so much to him. He loved them in different ways but loved them both.

Emily, though, he liked for things that JJ and Garcia didn't give him.

He liked Emily as his sparring partner when they played chess or poker. He could play with Garcia or JJ but they wouldn't throw back verbal jabs at him like Prentiss would, getting his competitive streak going in full force.

He also liked how she would call him out, instead of baby him with comfort and sympathy, if he was acting like an ass. She saw him as a man, instead of a kid who needed protection. He liked that she enjoyed nerdy things that he did also but that she was slightly shy to admit it, to admit her age, to admit how much she felt like she had to prove herself each day to Hotch.

To be so beautiful, smart, witty and brave...and yet have insecurities too...made Spencer see her as more than just a hot chick with a gun and brilliant mind. She struggled to make her life better, make herself happier, to stop being so alone and pushing everyone way, just like he did. He felt they had a lot in common. That they saw each other as equals, instead of how JJ, Penelope and Morgan saw Spence as their kid brother.

He never had felt like Emily's brother.

In fact, over the last couple of weeks he was feeling more and more like they were deepening their connection. The dinner they had together at her place had been fantastic. It was the best night he shared with anyone in a long time. He went home with a smile on his lips after lingering around her place for more than five hours that evening.

When she showed up at his place after the shooting, and they hugged, holding her in his arms had felt natural. Being her rock was something new for him but he didn't flinch away from it. All he knew was she needed comforted and he could give it to her.

Then he spoke up and said he'd room with her until Doyle was caught. It had made the most sense logistically. Hotch couldn't risk taking her around Jack. Morgan would of course want Garcia with him. Seaver and Rossi had a bond ever since she joined the team. He looked out for her like a father.

That left Reid and Prentiss to pair off. But, looking in her eyes now, he thought that even if that hadn't been the case he would still have said "I'll room with Emily," at the team meeting because he wanted to keep an eye on her. Make sure she was safe. See her through this.

If he didn't do that he wouldn't be able to live with the guilt if Doyle should kill her. And if Reid didn't see Emily safely past this case...how would they ever have another dinner together? Suddenly the thought of having dinner again seemed important to him, a hopeful little idea to cling to until this living nightmare was over.

He smiled softly at Emily and she smiled softly back.

She finally spoke again "Remember how I said that I would never be stupid enough to throw you back if we were dating?"

He nodded, searching her eyes.

Her smile grew a little. "So, do you think that makes me a genius too?"

He blinked and blinked again. His mind was trying to process her words while his brain was also mulling over if he was stupid for starting to crush on her. In a dead pan voice he asked "Why would that make you a genius?"

"Because I'm smart enough to know better."

"The only thing that can make you a genius is a quantifiably high IQ."

She stared at him, in a probing way, for almost a minute and then said "Reid, you drive me up the wall and back down again sometimes!" Emily got up and went to get her lotion, putting some on before bed.

He watched her with eyes that seemed to be seeing her all over again for the first time, seeing possibilities he never saw before. Even though this time in her life was terrifying, and not the right time to even think about hooking up, Spencer Reid couldn't help what was starting to bubble up in his soul: a longing for more with Emily.

He just wondered if he was fooling himself to believe she'd ever want that, no matter what teasing words she said to him in the past. Teasing was one thing. Kissing, caressing, loving, needing, wanting, aching for him...that was another.

Could she ever see him as that kind of man? Her man.

Right in that moment he liked the idea but wasn't sure if the feeling would last or just be a fleeting fantasy borne from seeing her soaking wet and beautiful in a bathtub, having her so near by tonight and hearing she trusted him to protect her life, this shared intimacy in this hotel room.

Was he confusing friendship with romance? Was he just setting himself up to hurt later? Was he seeing her this way now because of her or because he was lonely?

_Her,_ he decided, watching her apply lotion to her hands. She was an amazing woman. He had always known that. It was just tonight when he started to realize what he had been feeling ever since their dinner...he'd love her to be _his_ amazing woman.

"We should get to bed," Emily said. "Not that I can probably sleep."

"Do you want me to stay up, keep an eye out?"

"Would you? Just for a little bit. I hate to ask but..."

"Emily, you didn't ask. I offered."

She gave him a grateful smile. That night he watched her sleep, tossing and turning, and vowed he would make sure she survived this case that was hitting so close to home for her. He wanted that no matter what he felt for her but feeling the first stirrings of lust and love for her made Spencer Reid want it that much more.

Made it feel like his personal responsibility to see his woman through this. Even if she would probably never really be his woman in the sense he was thinking about. Just to feel this way about her tonight was a beautiful thing in his opinion. He cherished this feeling coursing through him.

And if this is all he ever could say he knew about loving her- his own fantasy one night in a hotel- then he would forever be glad that he felt this way on this evening. She was so worth falling for and risking any amount of hurt over.

She kept saying he should have found a good woman by now but Spencer felt she really deserved to have a good man in her life by now. She was way too phenomenal to not be loved by any lover.

Tonight she was loved by him.


	8. Chapter 8

**What Matters Most**

**Reid and Prentiss**

**Chapter Eight**

Emily bounded awake at the sound of the ringtone. Her heart jumped to her throat as her eyes scanned the darkened hotel room. A light was on in the bathroom, keeping the room from being pitch black.

Slowly her pulse returned to closer to normal as she saw that she was safe. In the second bed in the room lay Spencer Reid, sprawled out on his stomach, the sheet low on his back and his shirt bunched up to reveal a patch of pale skin.

Her cell phone went off again. Spencer stirred awake, slightly, and on instinct he reached for the night stand to get his cell. His fingers just happened to collide with Emily's as she was trying to grab the phone to answer it.

He woke up more, lifting his head, and their eyes met.

Emily said, her voice hoarser than usual, both from sleep and the intensity of that moment, the way her heart pattered unevenly at the look in his eye, "I got it."

She answered the call and soon her eyes widened "Its him." After a pause she said "We'll meet you there...You be careful too." She disconnected the call and jumped out of bed. "Doyle just killed a family of six to draw us out." Her voice was nearly distraught but also filled with frustration and rage. She gripped the edge of the dresser, digging her nails into the wood. "How many more people have to die because of my mistakes?"

Emily felt Reid move close behind her, but not so close as to touch her, before he said, in a calm voice, "The moment you start thinking you control what an unsub does is the moment the unsub starts controlling you. Gideon told me that and I think its true."

She spun around and stared up into his eyes. "If I had been more professional when I worked his case-"

"Do you really believe that Doyle ever loved you Emily?"

"He's incapable of love."

Reid gave her a long look, letting her come to the conclusion he was getting at before he nodded and added "So how can what he is doing be because of you breaking his heart and betraying him? The logic doesn't track. You know he's committing these murders because he's a sociopath who can't stand that he had to pay for his actions by being sent to prison. No matter what you did on that case he would feel the same. If you believe different you are only allowing him in your head and, once he's there, will there be room for anything or anyone else? Do you want an unsub living in your head from now on? Trust me, its hell on a body and a mind."

Reaching out slowly, his fingers landed on her arm and he gently caressed it.

Just feeling his touch made her want to sag against him but she resisted that urge, moving around him. "We better get dressed. We need to meet the team at the crime scene." Emily went to get her clothes out of the closet. She looked over at Reid, their eyes met, and she mouthed "Thank you."

His words had helped to talk her down from the ledge. She didn't have to blame herself for this just because Doyle blamed her. He would get what was coming to him in time. At this moment Emily felt she was rushing against the clock to keep him from killing another innocent person.

But she also felt, for the first time since this started, that she had the power to bring him down using what she does best: profiling. She didn't have to play this game his way or stoop down to his filthy level. With the help of her team they could stop Doyle in his tracks, just like her former team did seven years ago, and send him back to prison or to his grave.

She'd do it for Tsia, Jeremy, Clyde, the family killed tonight, and to protect her team. And she'd do it to get her life back. A life she wanted to keep spending getting closer to Reid.

This whole situation had put things in perspective. She needed to make a move on him and see if she had a chance with him. Life was short and getting shorter by the minute. There was no more time left to waste.

XXXXXXXXX

Reid and Prentiss walked into the brownstone in the Georgetown neighborhood of Washington DC. In the living room was the body of a man, shot multiple times, laying on the floor. On the couch were two teenage boys, also shot, slumped over their school books.

Rossi said "The Reynolds family," to Reid and Prentiss. Lauren Reynolds was the name that Emily used when she was undercover.

Reid asked "Why did the BAU get called in?"

Rossi got a grim look in his eyes. "When two families are slaughtered with the same signature within twelve hours it raises eyebrows."

"Two?" asked Emily

Rossi said "Yesterday evening three people were killed in a house in Columbia Heights," a different neighborhood. "No kids that time. A married couple, both school teachers, and her elderly father. The woman's first name was Lauren."

Reid asked "Are they sure the signature is the same?"

"Oh, they're sure." Rossi said, as he started up the stairs. "You'll see what I mean."

He took them upstairs to a child's bedroom, where cops were processing the crime scene. Morgan and Hotch were standing over the bodies of the mother, who had died trying to shield the younger children.

All over the bloody bodies lay flowers. The same type of flower that Doyle had sent Emily. The same flowers were tossed on the family that was killed the day before.

Doyle knew such an odd event would make the local cops call in the bureau. And if the BAU didn't catch on right away he would just keep killing families till they were left with no choice but to read the morning news and see all the signs screaming "You will deal with me or more people will die."

Morgan put down his cell phone and said "Garcia says the medical examiner puts the time of death on the Eberly family at three to five pm yesterday."

Hotch said "And the neighbors here reported screams at a quarter to four."

Rossi said "So we have less than nine hours till he kills another family, if he sticks to his schedule."

Derek said "He did this to draw us out. We're right where he wants us to be."

Hotch, his jaw tight, said "Every agency in the tri-state area is on alert for Doyle. His face is all over the media. If he is still here locally then its going to be harder and harder for him to avoid detection. This will end soon."

"Today," Emily said. "This ends today."

She walked out of the room, with a look of determination in her eyes, headed downstairs and out the front door of the brownstone. Standing on the concrete stoop, her eyes scanned the area. The street was filled with police cars and some neighbors were outside watching the commotion.

Looking around the crowd she tried to see if Doyle or his men were still there, waiting on an ambush, but she didn't see any vehicle that could be him. Still she knew he would coming for them...for her...it was only a matter of time. That is if she didn't get to him first.

Her eyes scanned the street again, just as a white van turned the corner and parked down at the end of the road. The hair on her arms rose. She called out to a beat cop and asked him to go check the vehicle out.

XXXXXXXXX

The man inside the van lowered his binoculars. He spoke into his blue tooth. "She's outside the residence. No sign of any of her co-workers but there are plenty of cops swarming the area."

The man on the other end of the phone said "Do it."

The man in the van lifted a small device and pressed a button. "Its done," the man said to his boss.


	9. Chapter 9

**What Matters Most**

**Reid and Prentiss**

**Chapter Nine**

"Okay," Derek Morgan said, in frustration, as he stood over the bodies of a young mother and two of her children "Doyle got us here, now what?"

Reid answered "Maybe his point is just to break Prentiss down slowly. Make her feel responsible for his carnage."

Morgan said "It feels like more than that. He sent someone after Reid. That's striking out at her in a personal way. As horrible as all this is," he motioned at the room "its not as personal. It's a step removed. The pattern doesn't make sense."

Hotch said "Unless Doyle only wants to get us here to ambush us like he did her former team."

Rossi said "This place is surrounded by law enforcement agents. He won't get closer than a block away."

"Maybe that's as close as he needs to be," Morgan said, as something came to mind to him, due to his former training in Chicago on the bomb squad. "We need to clear this house. Everyone out!"

They all ran out of the room and down the stairs but before they could get out the front door the house was rocked by an explosion.

XXXXXXXXX

The force of the blast threw Emily off the concrete steps and onto the grass. Hitting the ground hard the wind was knocked out of her and she struggled to catch her breath.

Rolling over, groaning slightly and coughing, she looked at the house, seeing the blown out windows. The cops around her were screaming for people to "Get back!" and also for paramedics to be called.

Scrambling to her feet she stumbled toward the house, which was still standing but looked askew, then stopped short after just a few steps. The door opened and people started to flood out. Some were bleeding from where glass had hit them and some had cuts and bumps from things falling on them or from being thrown against a wall, but each was moving under their own steam.

Emily watched as her team came out the door. She frantically waited, barely breathing and not hearing all the noise around her, to see Reid emerge from the door. Hotch reached her and told her "We have to clear this area," but her eyes never left Reid as he hurried from the house, until he was close enough for her to touch his arm and ask "Are you all right?"

His rushed to convince her, his tone kind yet strong and sure, "Fine. I'm fine."

They all headed for the street, with all the other cops and technicians, and there Emily asked Derek "Did you see the bomb?"

He shook his head no. "It has to be small to not cause much damage like it did. It could be in the crawl space because it felt like it came from under the kitchen."

Seaver, who had been outside the whole time, asked them "Do you think he meant for it to do more damage?"

Emily grimaced. "He knew what he was doing. He's just toying with me now. Letting me know it can be anytime, anyplace that he takes us out. That he can make me watch my team members die any time he chooses to do it."

Derek said "Once the bomb squad gets here and clears the house I need to get a look at the device. I might be able to trace its maker and give us a lead."

Emily nodded. "I think it had a remote detonator. He would need it to ensure the team was inside when it went off. I saw a white panel van pull up right before the explosion."

They kept talking about the case, as they waited on the bomb squad to come and check the house for more devices and then let the paramedics in to help anyone who was more gravelly injured due to being directly near the blast. As the team talked Emily snuck in the smallest of glances at Reid.

Working this job it happened all too often that someone could be hurt or in jeopardy but this time it was the man she loved who she had now feared had died two times in the last few days. Doyle knew just how to break Emily down. Her Achilles heel was Dr. Spencer Reid- the only guy who had held her attention for more than a handful of bad dates in years..

Doyle had to be pissed that Reid didn't die the night his apartment was ambushed. That anger was making Doyle play games like he played tonight and it was costing people their lives.

Emily ground her teeth together as her jaw clenched. Doyle had to be stopped before anymore blood was shed.

XXXXXXXXX

The local cops had tracked down the driver of the panel van. He was taken into the BAU for questioning. As Morgan and Rossi interrogated him Reid and Prentiss stood on the other side of the glass.

Emily said "He's not going to break." In frustration she looked at Reid and said "There is only one way to end this and I can't do it without your help." Their eyes held for a long moment until she saw in his gaze that he agreed.

Drawing Doyle out was their quickest option to make sure that no other family was slaughtered in a few hours.

"Brunch?" he asked

She gave him a weak, strained smiled "You're paying."

By silent agreement they left the building and as soon as they hit the street they began to act like a couple. He took her hand as they walked down the block to a diner, paused on the corner, brushed her hair back from her face and stared deep into her eyes.

Reid murmured "Hotch is going to be pissed at us."

"This will work."

"He'll still be pissed."

She shrugged and fought the urge to glance around to see if they were being watched. "I need this to end today."

After a moment Reid said "As soon as it does, we won't be roommates anymore." His knuckles brushed down her cheek and she shivered, before stepping back and tugging his hand to pull him into the diner.

"Am I a better roommate than Morgan?" she asked, trying to cut the tension.

Reid pretended to think about it and Emily shook her head at him in a snarky way. The hostess led them to a booth. Emily slid inside and then glanced out the window.

She said "He's always watching. I know he is."

"Emily...you aren't thinking straight and that scares me because you always think straight."

Her eyes jerked to his. They held for a moment and then she softened. "Don't worry. I'm thinking straight. _Finally_."

"Drawing Doyle out is the most dangerous thing you can do right not."

"If you hate the idea so much then why are you here?" she snapped at him.

He gave her a half smile. "You asked me."

Emily leaned across the table. "Is that all it takes, Dr. Reid?"

"That would depend on the question."

She sat back. He reached out and took her hand, gently stroking his thumb over it and soothing circles. Emily tried to maintain some semblance of control in the moment, fighting go weak over his touch, and marveled at how ironic it was that this moment was brought on only for the benefit of an unsub.

She had the exact same thought an hour later when they were standing outside of the building where they work. Reid's lips gently pressed against hers for the very first time. Her fingers clutched his arms as she tried to stay stiff, to not reveal her feelings, and yet to also appear to anyone watching as if they did this every day.

It was hell and heaven to kiss him yet not be able to let herself fully enjoy the pleasurable sensations evoked when his dry, slightly chapped, lips ghosted against her own.


	10. Chapter 10

**Note-I am fuming over the ending of CM last night. So pissed!**

**What Matters Most**

**Reid and Prentiss**

**Chapter Ten**

He found it easy to pretend to be her lover. To take her hand, caress her face, even lean close and press a soft, chaste kiss to her lips. It felt natural. He knew this is what she wanted him to do, that he wouldn't be rejected, and though he wondered if he was doing the right thing by agreeing to be bait he had to agree that he wanted this over just as desperately as Emily did.

That desperation to have Doyle caught might possibly be making them both not think as clearly as they usually did. Emotion may be clouding both their judgements. Or maybe it was just that he, all of a sudden, was taken with Prentiss and couldn't turn her down when she focused her dark eyes on him and asked for help.

If this was last month and she came up with this plan to draw Doyle out, Reid would have told her "Just listen to Hotch," but this month everything was different between him and Emily. This month they had a perfect night together at her home; this month she had cried in his arms after thinking he had died; this month they were sharing a hotel room and he was seeing her as a woman he could love.

A woman he needed to stick around and stay in his life so he could figure out what this was he was feeling. Would it ever fade away or would it grow stronger as time went on? Her place in his life was changing, at least inside of his own head and heart, from just a co-worker and buddy to that of someone he wanted to claim as his. To make his girlfriend for more than just the length of their charade.

He wanted to save Emily. Wanted to be a hero more than he had ever wanted it before. But he knew he wasn't really hero material. For her, though, he'd be anything she needed. He would be her partner in crime, the arms around her when she was close to breaking down, and the one who faced down the devil right by her side.

His burgeoning feelings may lead him no where more than a quick, hard heartbreak once everything with Doyle was over but he couldn't squash down what he felt, even if it might save him from hurt later. He wouldn't take away this beautiful, warm ache for her for anything.

Their simple kiss was burned into his memory now.

He had felt an incredible hot rush of heat flooding through him during that gentle caress of their lips against each others. It wasn't something he'd want to forget ever.

As they walked into the building where they worked he said "Do you think he saw us?"

"Not Doyle personally but I feel like he always has someone watching me... and the team...and right now that someone is passing it along that we're not cowering away in fear anymore. I hope he got some great pictures for his boss."

"I guess we better tell Hotch what we just did."

They shared a look that said they weren't looking forward to finding out their boss's reaction.

XXXXXXXXX

He wasn't a happy man, that was for sure. His eyes narrowed at them as they stood in front of his desk. "You defied my orders. I explicitly made it clear that you were not to use yourselves as bait."

"I know but-" Emily started.

Reid said "I brought it up to Emily again. It was my idea."

"No," Emily said "it was mine. He's just trying to protect me."

"Do you both realize that you're lucky you made it back here alive?"

Emily said "Its better to put Doyle's focus on us than on innocent families."

"And what if he kills another couple families because you pissed him off?" Hotch asked, as he stood up and glared at them. "Don't try this again. Are we understood?" After a moment he added "And, Prentiss, you'll stay with Rossi tonight. Reid you take Seaver."

Reid yelped. "No!" Then he swallowed hard. "Hotch, I think that this ruse will work but we have to give it time."

"Time enough to get you both killed," Hotch said. "I really don't know what you two were thinking by playing chicken with an unsub but that is not the way we conduct investigations on this team-"

Emily said "This isn't a normal case and you know it."

Hotch said "What I know is you're too close to this. Your judgements are compromised. You had no business disregarding my directive in favor of your own plan. Since when is that how we work? If either of you aren't interested in taking orders from me anymore then you can put in your paperwork to transfer."

Just then Emily's phone buzzed. She looked at it and read aloud "We never got a chance for a proper goodbye. Don't make that same mistake with Dr. Reid." Emily looked up from the phone and at Hotch. "He's going to make another attempt on Reid's life today."

Hotch grimaced for a moment, then accepted that this was already in motion, before he said "Then we need to be ready for him."

XXXXXXXXXXX

They rode toward the cabin in silence until Emily said "I never wanted the bureau to invest in bulletproof SUV's more than right now."

Emily and Reid were alone in that SUV, with him behind the wheel. In different vehicles the rest of the team had already set out, hours earlier, to go a different route to Rossi's cabin, making sure to not be followed, and be in place to watch for an ambush once Reid and Prentiss arrived. Surrounding the area would be locals cops and other law enforcement agents, far enough back so that they weren't spotted from the road.

There was a long silence in the SUV until Reid said "All of us have that case that gets to us more than any other. Hotch had Foyet come after his family. Gideon had Frank. We can't stop an unsub from targeting us but its how you deal with it afterwards that decides if the unsub won or not."

"There's no winning in any of this, Reid. Not with so many people dead."

"None of those deaths are your fault."

"I know." She raked her fingers through her hair. "So why do I feel so damn guilty?"

"I don't know because you shouldn't."

"Seven years ago I thought I was ready for an undercover assignment. I thought I could handle anything that came my way. When Doyle started to show an interest it me, I thought it was the perfect way to get closer to him. I didn't let it go too far but I played him. Maybe I was in over my head the whole time."

"It was brave what you did. I wouldn't want to get an assignment like that."

They drove for a while before Emily said "Thank you, Reid, for trusting my instincts today. I hate that I had to drag you into this. I never would have invited you over that night if I had a clue Doyle had escaped prison and was watching me."

"I know. But I'm glad you invited me to dinner."

She smiled very slightly. "A hit man came after you because of it and you're glad?"

"Yeah. I don't often get invited to dinner by beautiful women."

She just stared at him, with a look that was a mix between surprise and awe in her eyes and slowly changed to sadness and then determination. She looked forward again. "We get through tonight okay and I'll invite you again."

A small nervous smile graced his lips as they kept driving away from the city and toward the woods.

XXXXXXXXX

The team watched, from their spots hidden in the woods, as Reid and Prentiss exited the SUV. He wrapped his arm around her waist, brushed a kiss to her forehead, and they walked inside, both carrying go bags. They tried to appear as two lovers sneaking away to hide from Doyle.

Morgan could see inside the cabin with his binoculars. He watched as Reid and Prentiss started to cook dinner, appearing as a couple the whole time. They would touch often, share tender looks and give short kisses.

Under his breath, Morgan teased aloud, in a whisper "Well, well, well, pretty boy, don't get too carried away there."

Reid and Prentiss finished dinner. They made a fire in the fireplace and then sat on the ground in front of it. She was between his legs with his arms wrapped around her.

Morgan called Prentiss.

She answered "Any movement out there?"

"Negative." Then he teased "You two look awful cozy. You sure you don't wanna pull the blinds?"

"Jealous?" she teased him.

He chuckled. "In my younger years I woulda been..." then he got serious "All right, we got lights turning into the driveway. Looks like we have company." He hung up.

The team and the locals stayed put as the SUV stopped at the end of the driveway, which was only a path through the grass, and four men exited the vehicle, dressed in black with masks on. They crept toward the house, with automatic weapons in hand, but were surprised when a bright floodlight was turned on, temporary blinding them and then the team and locals moved in on them.

The men spun around, firing their weapons, and the team and locals returned fire. Reid and Prentiss had already fled out of the back door of the cabin. They circled around and joined the team.

Within a minute all the masked gunmen were shot and had fallen to the ground. The team moved in, took their weapons, and pulled off their masks. The locals called for paramedics for the one man who was still alive.

Hotch was crouched over one of the gunmen. "Prentiss," he called out to her.

She walked over and saw that Ian Doyle was dead. In that moment she was filled with relief. She had been living as if she wouldn't survive him but she had. And now the future was wide open.

Emily had imagined plenty of times what it might be like to be loved by Reid but during the last couple of weeks she found out really what it could feel like to spend time with him, be held by him, talk with him about all her fears and doubts. It was everything she craved most in life. Everything that would make her life more than just her career.

Everything she wanted desperately. She looked over at him, as he was standing off to the side talking to Morgan.

Spencer Reid, the sexiest and most oblivious genius she would ever met, the man she lusted after wildly and ached to see whenever they had a day off. She felt lucky to have had a small taste of what it would be like to be his lover.

But that small taste hadn't quenched her. It only made her hungrier for more.


	11. Chapter 11

**What Matters Most**

**Reid and Prentiss**

**Chapter Eleven**

**March 2011**

The team were given a few days off after the Ian Doyle case.

All during their break from work Spencer Reid would reach for his cell phone, wanting to call Emily, but then think better of it and not make the call. He longed to hear her voice, to feel the feelings that were both his joy and pain, and he longed even more to see her face again.

When he made it back to work he had a smile on his lips at the thought of getting to see her. As soon as she spotted him and Morgan walking toward their desks her face lit up. Reid's heart leapt into his throat at the sight of her shining, teasing brown eyes.

Emily asked "So what's it like living with Morgan?" Reid was staying at Morgan's home while Reid's apartment was being repaired from the multiple bullet holes lodged in the walls.

Reid responded "Exhausting. I don't get much sleep. Each morning, as soon as the sun comes up, I'm awoken to grunts and moans."

"Ew!" Emily cried, scrunching her nose and shooting Derek a disgusted look.

Derek smirked and patted his stomach. "Got to keep these pretty little babies ripped doing my thousand push ups, sits up and chin ups."

"Oh," Emily said, nodding, and then rolling her eyes. "Sounds like you two bachelors are having a wild time over there."

Reid settled into his chair, after taking off his coat and messenger bag. In a serious tone he said "No, not really."

Derek teased "He's been moping constantly because he misses you."

Spencer got a little red and swallowed hard. His mouth opened and closed. He couldn't deny that he did miss Emily so all he said was "I don't mope."

Derek laughed and walked off to the break area. Emily gave Reid a small smile before she pulled out a file to work on.

XXXXXXXXX

The team got a case and worked it for a few days.

All during this time Prentiss was thinking about how she needed to make a move on Reid. Not let this moment pass her by. They were emotionally closer now than they had ever been before. But if she stalled, out of fear of rejection, then they could possibly drift apart again, and her chance with him could be lost for good.

She couldn't stand the thought of never knowing if he would have fallen in love with her if only she had given him the chance- a sign that he couldn't ignore that she was crazy about him. She had to give him that sign, that chance, give them both the chance at something that could be amazing.

For her it was so hard to find any man that meant enough to her to really try...Reid meant that much.

Once the case was over they came back to the BAU and got down to working on their paperwork. Since Morgan had an office for the last year and a half, that left Reid and Prentiss the only people around the area of their desks.

"Coq co vin," Emily said.

"A classic french recipe that some will argue dates back to the Iron Age but actually can only be documented to the early twentieth century."

"Do you like it?"

He thought for a moment. "I can't say. I never had it. I eat a lot of frozen food. My mother didn't cook much when I was a kid and cooking a big meal for one person is sort of a waste of time unless you want to eat it for days. I'm not usually in town long enough for that."

"Well my mother insisted that I learn to cook and I'm in the mood for coq co vin. Since I owe you a dinner...what do you say? My place this weekend?"

"You don't owe me a dinner."

"Sure I do. Remember I said I would invite you over for all your help with Doyle?"

"I did that because you're my friend, not so you would owe me. You owe me nothing, Emily."

She was growing frustrated now. Was this his way to turn down her invitation or just Reid being Reid, being totally literal, and not seeing she was eager to have him over again?

"Well...thank you for saying that, Reid. Even though I don't _owe_ you, the offer still stands. I'd like to have you over, if you're interested and not busy or anything."

They stared at each other for a couple of moments before he said "I'm interested."

Her shoulders immediately relaxed. "Great! You can pick the night-Friday, Saturday or Sunday. If we aren't working then my schedule is wide open, this week at least...Who am I kidding? Every week."

"Mine too."

She smiled slightly. "So how about we say Friday, if work doesn't get in the way, and take it from there? If you have nothing to do this weekend and I have nothing to do this weekend...wanna do nothing together?"

She was very excited to think her hitting on him was working. That is until he went back to being his normal oblivious self for a moment.

He said "If we're together than we can't be doing nothing. We would be doing something: spending time with each other."

She just stared at him. "Mmm, hmmm, okay. Right. Do you want to do that then?"

He thought for a long moment. She could barely breath. She berated herself for not just stopping after he agreed to the dinner. _Talk about being eager, Prentiss_, she scolded silently.

Reid said "I would like that a lot, actually," in a sort of surprised tone.

"Okay, good," she said, nodding once, and biting back a smile as she started in on her paperwork, all too aware of the shivers coursing through her at the thought of them spending more time together.

She hadn't lost what mattered most to her because Ian Doyle escaped prison...she had been pushed ever closer to it...to him...to Spencer Reid. Though she thought she was too old to be crushing on anyone she couldn't deny she did crush on him and if she had to have a crush on anyone she was glad it was him. He was mysterious, thoughtful, kind, funny, incredibly sexy (though he didn't know it) and just maddening enough to keep her on her toes. She could see herself having a crush on him for the whole rest of her life.

Emily couldn't imagine ever getting bored of Spencer. He was just too different, too intriguing, too much of all she longed to call her man, for her crush to burn out quickly. Now if only this man would think the same back about her.

Lately she thought she saw the first glimmerings of something more in his eyes...but she could just be fooling herself. Emily prayed not.

She needed Spencer to make her life a real life. Not just a career that was devoid of much of anything more. Devoid of romantic love, devoid of the chance for marriage, for children possibly, for commitment to another person with all of her heart, soul, life, love.

She wanted that. And Spencer was the only man who she wanted it with.


	12. Chapter 12

**Note-**_ Thank you to all the readers and reviewers who have stuck with this story. The last four months I've struggled with my muse and writing is harder than ever. So thank you all for your support._

**What Matters Most**

**Reid and Prentiss**

**Chapter Twelve**

For weeks her life was consumed with thoughts of one man. A man who she had once claimed to love but the truth was she could never love someone like him. She had never imagined a future with Ian Doyle. He was an assignment, plain and simple.

An assignment that nearly cost her life, and nearly cost Reid his life too. An assignment that came back to shame her, haunt her, tear apart the fabric of the life she had made for herself since then with secrets she thought she had buried deep enough they would never be brought up again. Doyle escaping prison had exposed the very thing she had been most afraid for her team to know about her. Because maybe they would never look at her the same way again.

Now she knew better.

They loved her, respected her and- even if some of them were struggling to understand her actions from years ago and her actions now- they would always have her back. They'd follow her to the gates of Hell if that's what it took to protect her.

Now that Ian Doyle was dead Emily had spent the last week enjoying the fact that her head could clear of thoughts about him hunting her and the team down. Now she could concentrate on a more pleasant subject, one that made her smile and become hopeful again: how she was growing closer and closer to Spencer Reid.

And not just in a feigned way like when they were bait for Doyle. Today when Spencer reached for her hand she knew it was simply because he wanted to touch her. Now her head was consumed with thoughts of Spencer...thoughts that left her on a permanent high as she grew more and more certain that he was starting to feel it too.

To feel the pull, the draw, the chemistry, the aching want, the longing, the need for more, the need for her like she had a need for him. Finally Emily wasn't stuck as the woman who only had bad dates. Over the last three nights she had experienced awesome dates with Spencer.

Not that anything romantic had happened but just having him over for dinner, going out to the movies the next night, and watching Jack Hotchner play indoor soccer on Sunday and then going for pizza with the team- simple, normal, casual events- were thrilling to her because she had shared those moments with him. The whole time he seemed to realize, unlike ever before, how there was a connection between them. He'd stare at her a little longer than usual, rub her arm for a moment, sit closer to her than he used to, place his hand on her back when they were walking somewhere.

Every little moment sent heat rushing through Emily's body, and love flooding her heart.

After dinner on Sunday, instead of Reid going back to Morgan's house, where he was staying until his apartment was repaired, Reid took Emily up on her offer to come back to her place for dessert. When they got inside of her apartment, both smiling from the talk they were having, he asked "So what's for dessert?"

She stared at him for a long moment before saying "Oh, you actually wanted...oh. I don't know. Lets see what I have."

He trailed her to the kitchen. "You asked me over for dessert but you don't know if you have any?"

"I didn't ask you over for dessert," she said, in a duh voice, as she opened up the freezer.

"Yes, you did," he said "I think I should know. I do have an eidetic memory. First Garcia said "Well, my lovelies, its time for mama to go home and wash her hair." and then Morgan said "Need a hand with that, sexy lady? I know my way around a loofah." and then Hotch said "Hey, small ears are present." And then you said-"

"Okay, okay, I asked you over for dessert. I concede the point."

Reid smiled and, after a moment, Emily smiled back at him, before closing the freezer door. "Sorry, we're out of luck for ice cream. Looks like you're stuck coming all this way for just my company."

She teased him "Hope you're not too disappointed."

He gave her a disappointed face but it was obvious he was just joking. Emily chuckled, leaning toward Reid she placed her hand on his chest, and then looked up and into his eyes. The moment grew taut with tension...a sizzling awareness tingling through the air between them.

Her mouth went dry. She wet her lips. "When Sean told me that Doyle had escaped prison, suddenly everything in my life became just about surviving. Now that he's dead I can breath easy again...think again...and do you know what I keep thinking about?"

Reid swallowed hard before clearing his throat. His voice was hoarse when he asked "What, Emily?"

"That dinner we had last month." She paused, her eyes searching his, lost in the moment of being so near to him.

For so very long she had wanted him to be here with her that it was had to comprehend that her waiting and longing may be over for good. There may be no more lonely, tense, bitter nights alone in an otherwise empty bed.

_(This year's love had better last._

_Heaven knows, its high time._

_I've been waiting on my own too long._

_

* * *

_

_When you hold me like you do,_

_it feels so right._

_Oh now, start to forget how my heart gets torn_

_when that hurt gets thrown._

_Feeling like I can't go on_) (David Gray)

Emily added "That night it felt like something was changing between us, didn't it? Or am I way off base and out in left field?"

"Left field?"

"Yeah, like in baseball...forget it. It doesn't matter. Reid..." her tone grew softer "do you know that I haven't had a better weekend than this one in as far back as I can remember? Way before that case with Doyle eight years ago. And that's because you were here with me this weekend."

She stepped back from him, leaning against the counter in the kitchen, waiting for him to say he felt the same or that he was so glad to have a good buddy in her, maybe never even realizing how deeply she felt for him. She was prepared for the worst but her heart and soul were praying for the best.

Reid told her "I liked spending this weekend with you too. I usually don't have a lot of plans when we're off work. I know that probably sounds pathetic but its true. I don't mind being alone so don't feel bad for me."

"I don't. I like being alone sometimes too. But other times being alone is just lonely, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I do." His voice was soft and filled with emotion when he admitted "I did like being here with you, Emily."

He closed the distance between them, until he was pressed against her. Stilling, he simply stared into her eyes, as if he was amazed by her. The look in his eyes was so raw, so intense, that it made her breathless. He had never looked at her quite that way before.

And, in all her life, she couldn't remember ever feeling more beautiful than she did in that moment when he openly gazed upon her face with adoration.

Staring at him she realized she could never get sick of just looking at him, just marveling that she had someone like him in her life...someone she could love, someone who just may be able to love her back.

XXXXXXXXXX

All week long, since the moment that Emily had asked Reid to dinner at her place, he had a feeling that he was on the verge of something fantastic. Something so big that he was afraid to talk about it aloud to anyone because it might just disappear in a puff of smoke...too good to be true, to be his...but in this moment Spencer Reid knew that his feeling had been correct.

Emily was interested in him as more than a friend, as a man she could love, and now she was saying she felt that way during their dinner last month. The night when everything seemed perfect to Reid but he hadn't thought it could be more than just that night. He wasn't a dreamer like that. He hadn't been able to dream big enough to imagine getting to love her day after day, having her love him back.

The realization that everything he was feeling was being felt by her too, that his hunger wasn't once again going to go ignored, like so many times in the past with other women, that this time his longing wouldn't be his cross to bear, this time it was mutual, left him stunned.

It was almost too unfathomable to be believed for a man like Spencer Reid. That he could feel this way...care so much, want her in a way he never had before,...and she would return his feelings, want him just as badly...it seemed nothing short of miraculous. And he wasn't one for believing in miracles.

(_Turning circles, time again,_

_cuts like a knife._

_Oh now, if you love me,_

_got to know for sure._

_

* * *

_

_Cause it takes something more this time_

_than sweet, sweet lies_

_before I open up my arms and fall_

_losing all control-_

_every dream inside my soul_.)

Reid added, after a long moment of silence, "Whatever is changing between us...I like it."

Her eyes lit up. "You took pretty easily to the challenge of pretending to be involved with me when we were trying to draw Doyle out. It felt natural...right, don't you think?"

"We were both playing a part."

"Oh, I know. I'm just saying...it felt real at some moments to me."

"Not to me."

"Okay, Reid, way to be blunt. That's was just what we had to do for the case, fine, but this...there's no case right now...and I want you here. This feels more real to me than anything has in years."

He stared into her eyes for a moment. Emotion welled in him.

Reid said "During that case, all I wanted was to help you, protect you even. I know you don't need me to shield you from anything but I still felt that way. Every time I touched you when others were watching it was just to help you. Those nights we spent together in hotel rooms though...that...that was just us...that was real for me...and I started to think...I wish that was my life. That I could always feel like that. Always wake up to see you." His eyes fell away from hers, shyly.

One of her hands smoothed up his chest, which was raising and falling with shallow breaths, and then cupped his throat. In a rush of feelings for her, desperate to act before he thought better of it, thought of all the reasons he was terrified of love, Spencer wrapped Emily in his embrace and slammed his mouth down on hers.

She gasped before returning his kiss with just as desperate passion as he was feeling inside. And, suddenly, after years of always being unsure, feeling alone and lonely more times than not, Spencer Reid realized he wasn't alone anymore.

This wasn't some fantasy he'd wake up from. It was his real, everyday life. A life that he could share with his love...his Emily, the one who matters most.

(_When you kiss me on that midnight street,_

_sweep me off my feet,_

_singing 'Ain't this life so sweet?'_

_

* * *

_

_This year's love had better last._

_This year's love had better last_.)

THE END


End file.
